L i v i d -- or I was.

I was livid yesterday. A b s o l u t e l y livid.

Boyfriend + alcohol = stupid decisions
Close friend + ... Yeah. I don't know how to talk about this.

To make it brief and short, they made a mistake. I am more angry with her than I am with him. Whatever. He made a mistake. He appoligized profusely, and I accepted and made him feel guilty like he should (it's part of my job as a girlfriend who is INCREDIBLY PISSED). She however did not bring it up to me. She did not feel as guilty as she should. Butttt, coming from her, that behaviour is the norm.

So, R and I are okay. Friend and I are not. She seems to think so, but oh, believe me, I will beg to differ.

Oh sunny day

Sunny days really go by the slowest sometimes. I have only been awake for five hours, and I have been out and about, and said goodbye to people I love, and hugged those who returned from a break. But it never makes the hurt stop. I feel like that's all I'll be doing in the next week. Saying goodbye.

My roomates are leaving. My floormates are leaving. My boyfriend is leaving. It feels like everyone is just waltzing out for the summer, and expecting it to be the same come September. And it probably will. So many of them will be gone on trips. For example, a number of people are going to Israel, England, China, Cuba. R is going to BMQ. I am going home. To a painfully small town on the Peninsula of boredom in a box, taped together with old chores, and summer jobs. Old friends will re-claim their spot in my life, until I cry myself to sleep because I miss the city, and the sounds, and the excitement.

And of course, I will miss R the most. He is my world, and I am so in love with him. Head-over-heels-in-love. I'm terribly afraid that it will all be so different when he comes back. I won't be good enough for him. He would have matured far beyond my level. I will just be a girlfriend whom he wasted months with to realize that he doesn't want to do this anymore.

Sorry -- I'm just putting myself down; must be one of those days.

I love him. With my whole heart and soul. And I'll be his; forever and always.

Hate goodbyes

I just got back from the best time of my life. I was at R's for five days. We had an absolutely fabulous time. He picked me up on Saturday, after I completely bombed my exam, we went to his house, chilled, and had dinner. We went for a walk and he actually held my hand, instead of just being a fool and sticking out his arm for me to link mine through. We hung out with his friends, and they made some terrible sex jokes. For example...

Tristan: Soooo, what're you guys gonna do later on tonight...?
R: Nooooo idea. Go home, chill.
*Tristan starts thrusting his hips and we basically die laughing*
Tristan: I'll pay ten bucks if I can watch you.
Us: Are you joking? That's filthy.
Tristan: Then you're dad'll walk in and make it all awkward, and I'll just be like, hey I'm only watching.

Gross, eh? But I guess that's what you can expect from boys.

Sunday, we woke up, had a wonderful breakfast, and went downtown for a few hours. Where he did the linky arm thing. And the boys piped, while me and a friend of theirs took pictures of them. Then we got coffee, and went home to watch television until dinner. And after dinner. Then we chilled 'til bedtime.

Monday we woke up and had the MUCH needed alone time. We started watching American Pie -- I've actually never seen it before -- and then just waited for his mum to get home. We ate dinner, and went to his hockey game. I studied and prayed to God I would not get hit in the face lol. We went home, and just cuddled the night away.

Tuesday, was yesterday, and we woke up, spent the morning together, I got dropped off at Tristan's while R got his hair cut, and then we went down town for a bit. Last night he had pipe practice, and then we spent the night in each others arms. I, obviously, picked a fight with him before bed last night, like usual;

"Lay down please, and I'll tuck you in bed"
"I'm already in bed, thanks" *Tilt my head over to lay it on the sheet, in a way that is not comfortable for any human to sleep*
"Fine. Peace" *He turns off the light, and doesn't make it two steps before turning around*
"Baby, please. I know it's our last night. And I love you. Please don't be cheeky"

I cried myself to sleep last night, becasuse I already missed him.
Today I was dropped off at noon, and cried the entire way home. And the tears are still flowing.

Who knew I had so many...

Stupid Saturday.

Worst exam of lifeeeeeee.

I just finished my one exam that I've been dreading since January. It was Physical Anthro, and it was; well, to say the very least, it was absolutely terrible. I went in, sat down, and I'm pretty sure time stood still. It was the longest two hours ever. But, being the painfully optimistic person I am, I took a chance to see if there even was a bright side to this horrible Saturday morning.

-the weather is absolutely beautiful out
-my parents are coming for a little visit
-the roomate that I couldn't stand is gone
-I have a week break until my next exam
-anddddd; I'm going to my boyfriend's house for a couple of days :)

Ugh whatever -- exams just suck. Royally. I'm so glad that this stupid course is over and done with. I have to pack some things for when I see my love.

Never say goodbye. Because goodbye means going away. And going away means forgetting.

Ten more.

So, I'm kind of new at this -- so bear with me. Like I said earlier, my boyfriend, R, is in the CF. Therefore, chances are that many posts will be about my love. To begin...

I have ten days -- dix jours; the number between nine and eleven -- before he goes to BMQ. I feel like a little part of my heart might chip off when he leaves. I am completely in love with him, but I still feel like it will be painfully hard to not have him around for awhile. I guess I'm thankful that he is going to be training in the summer, and I will have the distracting beings called friends to take my mind off of things. And the glorious days spent inside, miserable, and working my life away.

It can only be distracting for so long though. Sometimes I think my friends might be heartless, because they think that I'm wasting my time with R. Because of the fact that he's not always around and doesn't always call me every single night. But I feel like they could sometimes be a little more understanding. Their partners are constantly hanging off of them, and, well, to be frank, I get incredibly jealous when I see them steal a kiss or brush fingers.

It's understandable -- I think?